Poetry of march

“Take me back to the night we met” except I don’t remember the night we met. I remember our endless conversations that kept us awake all night long, I remember the silent and discreet glances that we threw at one another, I remember our laughs, our thoughtful debates, our dreams… but I can’t remember the night we met because I feel like I’ve always known you. My whole life, and probably the life before this one. I can’t erase the memories of you, the little anecdotes I used to tell my friend to entertain them.

I’m so scared to lose it. The idea of you. I keep everything to myself, hoping to save that feeling. Sharing feels inappropriate when it comes to us. I want people to know how lucky I am to talk to you, but it feels like our conversations are sacred. Ephemeral and yet everlasting; fragile and yet so dense; I know we can talk about anything, about everything, but I’m just so scared to say the wrong thing that would make you go silent once again. I live on a taut thread when it comes to you. And I can’t face your emotionless look. So I keep my thoughts to myself, hoping that one day you will say it yourself. “Yes indeed, I look at you differently, yes indeed I think about you the same way you think about me, and just as much as you do, yes indeed, I see it too and no you shouldn’t be afraid of your own feelings because yes, indeed, it goes the same way around here”.

I hate that I allowed you to have so much power over me. I want you gone. Of course, that’s a lie but a part of me know that it is the only way for me to go back to how it was before. Except I don’t want to. Meeting you was a luck, a curse, a blessing and a doom. It took me time to realize how much you taught me honestly. It is pretty easy to hate you. To hate the way you talk to me, the way you see the world and the way you see yourself. But when I’m around you I only keep smiling. When your name pops on top of my screen, I only keep smiling. It might seem so silly, so naïve of me, worst part is that even a part of me knows that it probably wouldn’t work between us. But since you let me in, since you allowed me to see that sweetness, that true and bright energy radiating inside you, it feels so precious to be around you. To know that part of you. I want to know more. I want to see the other parts of you. I don’t even feel the need to talk about me and my own thoughts because yours strangely reflect mine. That’s why I know that running away from you is useless. Thank you for breaking my heart so graciously.

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