The guy I fell in love with

Kia. The car was small for a guy of his size. It made him appear bigger. His legs were so long they were touching the steering wheel. Although he was calm, he was stiff. His eyes were hopeful. His shoulders were relaxed but his back felt the stress. He was hopelessly searching for a comfortable position. His hands were on the wheel and he barely moved them. He could appear physically impressive for anyone. So, I prayed again. Hopefully, the police officer had a great day at work so far. Hopefully, his wife kissed him goodnight. Hopefully, he spent time with his kids earlier. I asked whoever is up there in the sky that the man who was walking to our window would not be scared. I wished he could see that James was kind and gentle. I wished he’d known how deep he loves. How hard he works. How caring he is. And how amazing of a father he would make. I hoped he had already encountered a black man in his life. I wished with all of the strength I had that he had already let other black men leave alive. Not even in one piece. Not even healthy. Not even safe. Not even sound. Just alive. I could not breath. I could not move. He shrugged his shoulder lazily. I was mad at him. I want a family. I want a family so bad. I want children that I can love everyday, every seconds of my life. I want a husband that I will love forever and more everyday. I want to care about people.I want to be close to them. I want to accompany them through life. I want to be next to him through every things life throws at us. I know a lot of rough situation can happen. All that matters is the people around us. Who stays next to you when you don’t want to be alone? Who asks the right question when you don’t want to say more? Who wants to listen to your silence? Who holds you when you are cold ? He does.

Through every calls and FaceTime we had. He made me feel what family does. I was warm and never alone. I have this shadow behind me.It follows my every step. The bad just like the good ones. I realized family is a feeling. I felt it from him. Home is wherever he is. It’s his arms when I’m sad. It’s his voice when I feel alone. His laugh when I’m sad. His serious voice’s tone when I’m confused. He is reassuring. And he never stops. I don’t know what I did to God to deserve this. But I thank him with all that I have. This means more than anything I could ask for. I have never felt this way.

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